eternal sunshine

for a brief moment i debated with myself whether if given a choice I'd want to erase Le out of my mind. It was brief..very brief..

i dont know what i want to write next..there a lot of things that i wanted written..i give them up easily..i wanted to write this...so i tried to run away from the idea of forgetting about writing it..i am too absorbed...still into the movie..i am still thinking of the erasure going on...

i liked the snow...and climbing the night at the Charles... I have stopped relating but..unconsciously i have stopped..i didnt see myself as Joel or Le as Clementine...i would have otherwise...i am getting over with her..and suddenly i see the erasure working for me without some doc mapping my memories to get her off my head..i am trying to keep her living..thas why i write these things..but i didnt write for a long time..i feel like a different person...i wont be..i am just typing randomly..and i am already thinking about ppl who will read this..that i will show it to Abdul..and he'd understand the context atleast if not the rest..i am planning again...i am deviating from what i wanted to to write..the action of my writing isnt involuntary..i can think and i know what i am writing....i am full of dots. dots sounds like a fancy word to me..thas why i say i am full of dots..but dots also might suggest that my life is full of trailing dots..

i want to get back to the last thing i saw...it was all snow..and sea..and they were just by themselves....and i realized that i have lost my chance...i want to be in love....madly in love to live like that.....to think of nothing else...but i think ive lost the one chance i had....that i wouldnt want to be like that anymore when i forgot about this movie...when i get out of this cloud...i am happy i am writing..i'd want to find the notepad whenever i am thinking..i know i'll like it...i might even be proud of whatever i wrote..but most importantly it gives me the satisfaction of writing something that not many write..or a lot many write..but they write it to themselves...the way i am writing it to myself..

i never wrote to myself..i wrote to her...but theres no anguish..no anguish...i want to remember that quote...that quote about forget..why does everything have to fit in so well...why does it appear like the whole world is making movies in my context..writing books in my context..singing my life. conclude..i am too selfcentered. and i dont know if i am going to try and be something else..but i am striving for something that i dont know...i want to end with ' eternal sunshine of a spotless mind' whatever it means..