The Face revisits
After a not very wishful indulgence, I tried to put myself to sleep. Sleep isn't the easiest thing these days. I now realize that I actually had a blank phase during which I didn't have any face in mind at sleep time. Yesterday night however I did have a face I was thinking about. Even during that indulgent period that face kept ringing my mind. Somewhere the indulgence appeared like an attempt to tell myself that this new face did not affect me. Even before the last minutes before sleep I was shunning my mind from thinking about this new face. Telling myself that she was committed and that she wasn't someone I was looking for.
Ten minutes after I woke up, I got a flash of the dream that I saw. Even when I had just woken up, I had this eerie feeling that I saw the face I had been thinking about before sleeping. As if something special happened. Now, I knew it was LeCzar. It felt like it was our first meet since her marriage and it appeared like she had invited me to meet. I was exploding with enthusiasm as I walked home . I had this feeling that I was supposed to meet her at some dreamy secret place at the roof of my home. I was taking a stupid adventurous route in an attempt to escape being seen by maa from her room as I climbed the roof. Once I got to the place that I had in mind, I saw LeCzar call me to a spot that appeared to be between the kitchen door and maa's room. I avoided looking into maa's room as I didn't want to confront any possibility of me not meeting LeCzar. I took Le out of the gate trying to avoid any other possible interference. As we were walking out, she took out a gift that looked like a chocolate bar wrapped in a flowery purplish wrapping paper and had something written on it. I didn't read it because I wanted to savor the experience in anticipation that it would be something very deep and straight from her heart. Reminded me of the days I used to keep her letter in my pocket and wait for hours after I received it to read it as if prolonging the reading experience and the happiness I'd derive from it. I started debating whether it was a chocolate and hoping that there was more writing within the packing. She nudged me to move and led me to what is now a godown. It was in its previous shambled state, roofless and with huge craters on the floor that had wild plants grown. The door to the godown was half open as she led me. I was conscious of the fact that we were entering a private space. My mind even racing at the thought of she kissing me. I told myself that I wouldn't resist though I had never known that experience during the years we were together. My mind got back to thinking about the gift which was now in my pocket. I started showing her the plants that were growing on the cracked floors telling her that I had sown them. It appeared like a shoot that would develop from a gram seed or a pea. She was standing behind me and listening me talk about the plants and she interrupted me with another gift. This one looked like a red old box which I took in my hand.
I was in a very high emotional state conscious of the fact that we were meeting for the first time almost three years since the time that I last saw her at her home. She had given me a flower bud then and had asked me to put it in sweet water and tell her of what happened. When finally she spoke, she very composedly told me that all she wanted to say was that things hadn't changed for her and that she always wished well for me. Our relationship had ended with a lot of unanswered questions and somewhere I was hoping it would be clarification day. That she'd talk about that time. I was wishing she had more to say and I turned my back to her as I was listening her speak as I wanted to secretly check what was there in the second gift. I was a pair of sun-glasses that had something written on the tainted glass. There was also a watch in the same box. Reminded me of the first gift she sent me and also forced me to think on why I didn't even think of getting her a gift. The next moment she had disappeared. I looked for her at home and debated whether I should give her a call.
I see a dream whose idea I fancy and I feel very happy about it. I got this sudden idea that if I saw such dreams everyday, I'd happily live every waking day thinking and relishing about the dream.
Ten minutes after I woke up, I got a flash of the dream that I saw. Even when I had just woken up, I had this eerie feeling that I saw the face I had been thinking about before sleeping. As if something special happened. Now, I knew it was LeCzar. It felt like it was our first meet since her marriage and it appeared like she had invited me to meet. I was exploding with enthusiasm as I walked home . I had this feeling that I was supposed to meet her at some dreamy secret place at the roof of my home. I was taking a stupid adventurous route in an attempt to escape being seen by maa from her room as I climbed the roof. Once I got to the place that I had in mind, I saw LeCzar call me to a spot that appeared to be between the kitchen door and maa's room. I avoided looking into maa's room as I didn't want to confront any possibility of me not meeting LeCzar. I took Le out of the gate trying to avoid any other possible interference. As we were walking out, she took out a gift that looked like a chocolate bar wrapped in a flowery purplish wrapping paper and had something written on it. I didn't read it because I wanted to savor the experience in anticipation that it would be something very deep and straight from her heart. Reminded me of the days I used to keep her letter in my pocket and wait for hours after I received it to read it as if prolonging the reading experience and the happiness I'd derive from it. I started debating whether it was a chocolate and hoping that there was more writing within the packing. She nudged me to move and led me to what is now a godown. It was in its previous shambled state, roofless and with huge craters on the floor that had wild plants grown. The door to the godown was half open as she led me. I was conscious of the fact that we were entering a private space. My mind even racing at the thought of she kissing me. I told myself that I wouldn't resist though I had never known that experience during the years we were together. My mind got back to thinking about the gift which was now in my pocket. I started showing her the plants that were growing on the cracked floors telling her that I had sown them. It appeared like a shoot that would develop from a gram seed or a pea. She was standing behind me and listening me talk about the plants and she interrupted me with another gift. This one looked like a red old box which I took in my hand.
I was in a very high emotional state conscious of the fact that we were meeting for the first time almost three years since the time that I last saw her at her home. She had given me a flower bud then and had asked me to put it in sweet water and tell her of what happened. When finally she spoke, she very composedly told me that all she wanted to say was that things hadn't changed for her and that she always wished well for me. Our relationship had ended with a lot of unanswered questions and somewhere I was hoping it would be clarification day. That she'd talk about that time. I was wishing she had more to say and I turned my back to her as I was listening her speak as I wanted to secretly check what was there in the second gift. I was a pair of sun-glasses that had something written on the tainted glass. There was also a watch in the same box. Reminded me of the first gift she sent me and also forced me to think on why I didn't even think of getting her a gift. The next moment she had disappeared. I looked for her at home and debated whether I should give her a call.
I see a dream whose idea I fancy and I feel very happy about it. I got this sudden idea that if I saw such dreams everyday, I'd happily live every waking day thinking and relishing about the dream.
posted by Runit Saria at 10:05 PM
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