Qian li zou dan qi

Will I see her again - will we stand here and wait for our hearts to communicate to each other?
"Riding Alone for a thousand miles"- I come to regret being insincere with the guitar....for not creating that bridge of chance between us. The bridge is now lost forever and with it the chance to tell her how dearly I cherished the bud she had given me that evening at her balcony....how I waited for it to flower.....as if it were to indicate something. If only I didn't wait for such indications and gave her my heart. I was too scared to take chances...scared that I'd even lose the right to stand at her balcony. The more I think of that moment the more I drown in regret. I won't go regretting forever but.
I had told her that years later, I would still wait for her, still wish she was happy - still know that she'd be happiest with me. But I don't. I can't. Its meaningless - just like everything in my life will be. But I don't want to see what lies ahead. I don't want to help the pining. I promised myself to live for her...only her... and I know that I won't be able to keep this promise forever. Someday soon I'll stop longing for her. Until then... I want to keep the promise I made to myself.
Until then...I want to sound poetic...sound like a dreamer. Only until I find someone on the other side of the bridge across forever.

An excercise to do I have. I have to think about myself. I is all that I have ever thought of but I still don't know this I. I have an HR interview in an hours time and I cannot find a few lines to describe myself cause it has to involve my positive sides..my strengths...my hobbies...my philosophy of life.
Its been 15 minutes and I am still thinking.
I have earned a lot of best friends and I have had my room in the hostel as 'the hub' for the last 5 years of my hostel life. Won't blame myself for the first three years cause then I had roommates. I enjoy cooking for my friends and cleaning my room and arranging it so that it can accomodate more and more people. I haven't had the oppurtunity to sleep in my room for the last 4 days and I've found the word. Its called 'hospitable'.

I have never parted ways with any of my friends inspite of all the differences and hassles that I might have had with them. I have been able to project myself as a funny character ( I hope I don't appear irritating ) to friends who haven't had the oppurtunities to listen to my stories. I am simple to converse with and I try my best to radiate warmth.

I have managed to fairly ( stress on that ) pass my exams since my 8th standard 2nd terminal exam when I last used unfair means to help my state. My scores are purely mine.

the dust of time

I miss the feeling of missing her..or longing to meet her..or wanting to dream of her. I say to myself I am completely out of it...and it does seem like that but I don't want it to happen. Most of my holiday I continued to feel the void..but not enough..not enough to give me the feel I was looking for..was on a different mission during my stay in Goa but I did give it a try..the easy way but liqour didn't work for me that day. Was sitting alone at a bus-stop in front of the Mumbai railway station waiting for my friends...the cool January wind gave me a feel of the Delhi winters..and together drifted the good old days...
Today above all i wanted to read our conversations..the logs that I had been keeping for ages. Some effort and i managed to get them at my screen...and as i read i realized how distant and different I was from her when I was being her lover. I never really got real close to her until she declared that it was over. But the time after that was the time when I really got to know her...and I really started feeling like her. I wish I could keep a log of those endless conversations I had at her balcony when we weren't lovers..when we weren't friends..but when we still knew we needed to talk to each other. Though she never admitted to it, but it was then that we started feeling that we needed each other..and it was then that I felt more secure. I am still being lazy to untie that yellow bundle. I dusted it and then displaced it today when I cleaned the room. I wish it helps to keep her fresh in my memories forever.