What if..
Can't imagine i don't feel that moment anymore.....the start of summer and my plans....the guitar that would eventually lead us both to a Contessa drive from her home to mine. Had to find the flow first..a call to tell her i was back..and a brief meet next day.
'Forget Kathmandu'..she was there in all the protests..shouting slogans..living the thrill.....and she sure didnt know why she did that...she deserved to know and I stopped myself lest she deny to read..I gave her a week long time and waited.
After a week..it was she who called...thanks i lived upto my determination to not call her until she did....we met again adn she wasn't happy that she read that book..she didn't want to know the truths..she turned the pages of the book as she talked...never looking at me..and finally stopped at a page...looking fixedly at the picture on the page,she talked of it..I hadn't given any time to that picture when i was reading that book...she had given her heart to it...could sense she could actually feel the picture....why couldn't i feel that way..I realised why i couldn't do without my Jenny..why i loved her so so much.
We finally found the flow..it was like it was better than ever...the conversations...i even started speculating that I'd have nice story for my counselor and my friends by the end of summer..I was but cautious not to be carried away by any half chance or misinterpret anything....I was a bit too cautious...
What if i wasn't...only had i told her that I had waited for that bud to bloom...that i treasured it like my dearest gift...her good God didnt help either.
I was all prepared...I had even found the Contessa in Allahabad....and i was prepared to propose her for the drive...I was prepared to ask her for the last time. Somebody knew of my intensions and for a week long time despite desperate efforts I couldn't arrange that deciding meet....and before i knew I had to set myself for Kathmandu..didn't know that that would be the last time I'd talk to the Jenny I knew as mine..I still carried the bud that didn't bloom and planned stories I'd tell her as soon as i got back..The Classic and so many more stories that I had in store for her...The pages and the bits..Nihit and us..I've lost the feel now..but only if
'Forget Kathmandu'..she was there in all the protests..shouting slogans..living the thrill.....and she sure didnt know why she did that...she deserved to know and I stopped myself lest she deny to read..I gave her a week long time and waited.
After a week..it was she who called...thanks i lived upto my determination to not call her until she did....we met again adn she wasn't happy that she read that book..she didn't want to know the truths..she turned the pages of the book as she talked...never looking at me..and finally stopped at a page...looking fixedly at the picture on the page,she talked of it..I hadn't given any time to that picture when i was reading that book...she had given her heart to it...could sense she could actually feel the picture....why couldn't i feel that way..I realised why i couldn't do without my Jenny..why i loved her so so much.
We finally found the flow..it was like it was better than ever...the conversations...i even started speculating that I'd have nice story for my counselor and my friends by the end of summer..I was but cautious not to be carried away by any half chance or misinterpret anything....I was a bit too cautious...
What if i wasn't...only had i told her that I had waited for that bud to bloom...that i treasured it like my dearest gift...her good God didnt help either.
I was all prepared...I had even found the Contessa in Allahabad....and i was prepared to propose her for the drive...I was prepared to ask her for the last time. Somebody knew of my intensions and for a week long time despite desperate efforts I couldn't arrange that deciding meet....and before i knew I had to set myself for Kathmandu..didn't know that that would be the last time I'd talk to the Jenny I knew as mine..I still carried the bud that didn't bloom and planned stories I'd tell her as soon as i got back..The Classic and so many more stories that I had in store for her...The pages and the bits..Nihit and us..I've lost the feel now..but only if
posted by Runit Saria at 11:27 PM
1 Comments:
(12:26:13) runitsaria: dont read it
(12:26:23) limeonrocks: i did already - duh!
(12:26:29) runitsaria: u're going to have real difficulty commenting on it
(12:27:24) limeonrocks: oh yea, coz its like all your random thoughts are being bombarded.. and I don't know which fragment belongs where
(12:27:37) limeonrocks: The punctuation is all '...' - trailing into unknown terriroties
(12:27:53) limeonrocks: its like you're thinking faster than you're writing.. like your expression is incomplete
(12:28:05) limeonrocks: because what you want to truly express, it has been withheld.
(12:28:27) limeonrocks: thats what i feel
(12:29:19) runitsaria: i actually just write it for myself
(12:29:30) runitsaria: actually for LE
(12:29:55) limeonrocks: You don't utilize the power of expression
(12:30:04) limeonrocks: Expression should be in the same rhythm as thought..
(12:30:04) runitsaria: she is familiar with the unknown territories
(12:30:24) limeonrocks: if we think faster than we express, we loose words - and if we express faster than we think.. we say more than we mean
(12:30:53) runitsaria: i run out of words to express myself
(12:31:11) runitsaria: have to expand my vocab
(12:31:19) limeonrocks: you can never run out of words if you know the language well
(12:31:48) limeonrocks: you only run out of words when you want to substitute what you feel with something more nice-sounding..
(12:31:52) limeonrocks: which is not what expression is..
(12:32:02) limeonrocks: expression is not substituting your feelings with big words..
(12:32:07) limeonrocks: its saying what you feel - its RAW.
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